In Spite of the Butterflies

My heart’s racing…can I really do this? I’ve been thinking about it for weeks… I think I can, but… what if…, so many things could go wrong…, but if it works…The feeling is all too familiar… the same feeling I have every time I try a new roller-coaster, embark on a new journey, visit a new place. I remember feeling this way when I mustered up the courage to jump off a 30-foot cliff into the crystal clear waters of the Mediterranean Sea in Morocco in 2002. The same feeling I had when I boarded the plane the first time I flew internationally by myself at the age of 17… butterflies in my stomach flittering up to my throat.I have thought and planned and tried to consider every possibility and scenario. At last the time has come. What do I have to lose? Well, a lot, but there is much to gain…freedom and the satisfaction of having accomplished such a monumental task. So, what did I do today? I gathered up my two children and went to visit our teammates. What?!?!?You may think that sounds easy, but let me shed a little light on the subject. We don’t have a car, so that meant I got the two boys ready, tried to pack a “light”, but fully equipped diaper bag, put on the baby front pack so I could “carry” Nathanael, but still have my hands free just in case. I then had Michael John wear his “Monkey” (a nice little backpack with a tail for Mommy to hold). I made sure they were both properly attired to suit the Russian taste. Too little or too many layers and I would be sure to get an earful from one of the dear old ladies out and about. After giving MJ a serious talking-to about where we were going, how we would get there and the importance of his cooperation, we headed out.I held on tightly to MJ as we walked the 5 minutes to the tram stop. He walked the whole way without fussing. Then we sat and waited for a tram to come. It wasn’t long before we saw one, and I made sure to give MJ the heads-up about how we would have to enter it. The doors only open for a short time, and there is a very high first step followed by two slightly shorter steps, and we would have to try and find a seat or hope someone sees us quickly and gives up their seat for us to sit and get set in the 45 seconds that the tram spends at most stops.Ready, set, go! “Step up, MJ!” I half drag him aboard. “Yes,” a seat by the door. “Oh, and one across…I think I can handle this…” Now, I just have to hold on to MJ with one hand while searching for my pass and situating our bag so it’s not in anyone’s way… “Breath, we’re on…” So far so good, no one seems upset by my youngest being in a pack and my eldest being in a harness…if anything, I think I see some sympathetic looks.Three stops later, “MJ, we are going to get off now. I need you to hold Mommy’s hand as we get down.” Again, he cooperates as he half climbs, half stumbles down the stairs. “Ok, one down, one to go!” We walk around the corner to our other stop and wait…and wait. “Oh, I see one… Dear God, please let it be a number 6 or 10… Sorry, MJ, that’s a bus but it’s not the number we need…” MJ is getting restless… “Finally, there’s a 6... oh great, it’s packed. Here we go… hold Mommy’s hand.” Stumble, stumble, drag, squeeze. Good, someone got up near the door, but I really need 2 seats. Oh, another person’s getting up…” Well, that didn’t work out. I tried to say in Russian that I had to sit together with MJ, but several people started to say things as one of them tries to show me that they will hold on to him, while I take a seat in another row. At this MJ screams, so I quickly sat down (more like leaned on the seat as most of me was in the aisle!) and get MJ calmed down so we can ride the bulk of trip in this terribly hot, packed trolley-bus.Well, the good thing is, both kids are not underdressed and some of the adults standing around us seem to be amused and are amusing MJ. That helps! I look down to check on Nathanael who has snuggled in and somehow managed to fall asleep amidst the chaos. What a picture of tranquility. I kiss his cheek as I search for MJ’s sippy cup--one of my tactics for keeping my 2-year-old occupied in situations that I know he dislikes… (Smile). He’s still so American in his desire to have his own space!Twenty minutes later, it’s time to get off. We manage to get down a little more smoothly this time…we just might get the hang of this! Now for the last leg, another 5-minute walk to their house. At this point, MJ wants to be held, but with the constant reminder that up ahead he will get to see his friends, he perseveres. (He doesn’t really have much of choice, since his mommy already has her hands full!!)(Sigh of relief) We are here and can play, rest, and fellowship for a couple of hours before we try that again. We had a very pleasant visit, and two hours later I gathered up the courage to trek out again. This time our friend carried MJ to the bus stop which was perfect considering it was late and he was getting tired. We got perfect seats on this half-filled bus after only a few minutes of waiting. It was nice.“What?!” The driver rattles something off in Russian… next stop, he says it again and this time I catch it, the bus isn’t following its usual route. Okay, well, I have about 10 minutes to figure out how to get these two boys home once the bus stops. It’s a good thing MJ was carried because now he has to walk an extra block and a half to find another tram stop. Bless his heart, he’s done wonderfully and with the promise of another sippy cup and crackers, we make it to the stop, sit and end up waiting for a while.The boys are peaceful, but it’s getting late and the wind has picked up. I keep glancing, straining to see if a tram is coming all the while trying to keep MJ entertained. “Yea, there it is. Ok, MJ, we are going to get on the tram so we can go home and see Daddy.” We get on, not so smoothly this time, but the tram is packed. As it begins to move, someone notices us and gets up so we can squeeze in to a little seat--big momma, big brother and little baby, plus bag! But we are in, several stops later it’s time to try and squeeze off, but again, not so smoothly. “Moshna, moshna”, I try and say, and finally they glance my way and see the kiddos. A guy backs off the tram and helps MJ down! “We’ve made it!!!” Well, not quite, but we only have a 5-minute walk and we’ll be home! We pass by the little store where Daddy often times gets 20-cent cones of ice cream and MJ says “Ice cream?” He’s been so good, but there is a line and mommy just wants to get home! “We have some at home, MJ. Let’s go get some ice cream and see Daddy!” With that, we are off.“We are home.” (Sigh) MJ did great. Nathanael did great. All in all it went well. So, am I ready to do it again sometime? Let me think about it…(hesitate)…Sure!? ..… Oh! Here come the butterflies!