A Day for Reminiscing

Today I was reminded of a turning point in my life. A time that that I remember with pain and joy. A time of crisis. A time of change. A time when He drew me close. I wrote two poems during that time. The first "Deep Inside of Me" is a bit depressing, but it was brutally honest at the time and began my search for answers and the second was written as He guided me through this time. I love to go back and read them and remember the mourning that He turned into Dancing.

Deep Inside of Me

So tender and easily wounded,
Yet so protected around,
My heart is locked…

I readily hear, but don’t readily share.
I readily laugh, but don’t readily care.
I readily ask, but don’t readily answer.
I readily see, but I’m not an observer.

A facad is all that people see.
They don’t know that’s not the true me.
But those that are close know the truth,
I’ve been insecure all my youth.

My heart is locked up so secure
That it is not easily touched for sure.
The walls are built day by day;
Inside them weeping my heart does lay.

The sun doesn’t shine on all my scars.
It’s so protected by all the bars.
Am I only cold and uncaring?
Or is it just from despairing?

I laugh and I cry,
I giggle and sigh,
But all that I live is a lie.
I can’t hide from the truth of “good-bye.”

They say changes come through the years;
And moments are missed ‘cause of fears,
But what do I do being tender inside? How long from the future can I hide?

Broken

I was happy. I was content.
My days with activities were spent.
I was busy, so busy serving You;
I had no time for what was true.

I tried to ignore what I knew was true.
My soul was yearning, yearning for more of You.
I longed to see Your holy face;
And feel around me Your embrace.

I strained and struggled;
I worked harder and harder,
But finally drained, I looked to You;
For crying out was all I could do.

Now, I know His will
And He’s so real,
My life He seeks to fill.

I’m so weak, but You’re so strong.
In my silence, You gave me a song.
I need so much, You’re so much more.
You saw right through me—right to my core.
My door was locked, but You had the key.
So, here I am where I should be.
I’m here down on my knees…
Begging God, “Please, use me!”

Take me, break me, mold me, use me,
Make me nothing, ‘till You’re all I need.

I know I’m in the right place,
But I stand only by Your grace.
My future unclear,
But You are near.

The sky was clouded;
For rain I prayed
To come and drench me,
Refresh and cleanse me,
Renew Your spirit with in me.

Like the clouded sky I see,
Which brings refreshing rain from Thee,
So my future dark and clouded,
Brings my life closer to thee.
In my fear, I must rely
Wholly, completely on You.
To do Your will is my desire,
To walk with You even through fire.
I’m here for a purpose—Yours;
To serve my Lord of Lords.
May I forever be totally, fully committed to Thee.
So, Take me, break me, mold me, and use me.